this is totally not going well..
just came back from tamp & T1..
feel like crap now..
totally didnt enjoy myself..
walking around in fear.
fear of meeting THEM.
man,i'm going crazy.
like,literally mad.
i dont know how im supposed to be feeling now.
happy?[that we didnt break up]
or am i allowed to be upset and unhappy?
i really dont know how to face you in school tomorrow..
or rather,
i dont dare to.
im afraid i will just break down once i see you.
i admit now.
im no longer strong enough.
i've lost all my courage.
the courage to fake a smile and be happy in front of you.
i cant,as much as i want to,and wish to be able to.
i hope i wont cry in front of you..
i dont wish you to see my tears..
im afraid i MAY have to avoid you..
it will hurt a lot.
and i mean a lot.
im really at a lost.
i cant concentrate on anything.
i know you're hurting too.
but you can never imagine how much pain it is for me.
its worse.much worse.
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