im lucky today..
managed to NOT CRY in front of anyone..
seems like im still able to hold back my tears and emotions.
but whenever anyone reminds me of what happened,
i really feel like crying..
almost cried in front of hazel uh..
that stupid girl cried before me..hahas.xP
hais..i just really want to stop crying..
but i cant.
i myself cant even tell if im really happy in school..
as much as i was very "high" in sch today..
i dont even understand myself..
i just keep telling myself not to cry no matter what..
i managed to do it.
but as soon i got to be alone,
i broke down again..
why cant life be a bed of roses?
living in perfection and happiness every minute of life.
i myself made the decision to ask you to go home yourself and not wait for me.
and yet im feeling upset over that.
i know you cant send me home anymore.
i told you not to.
but im stupidly getting upset over what i told you to do.
its the only way to solve the problems at hand,
but its really heart-shattering.
living silently in agony.
not easy,
not easy at all.
im too used to always having you there anytime,
now everything changes,
im totally not getting used to it at all.
i know i have to learn how to accept it.
i know it,yet im not doing it.
or rather,im UNABLE to do it.
im only holding on for only one reason.
and that reason is that i love you.
i guess that reason alone is enough to let me hold on,
pull myself together and hang on throughout.
[i want to cry.im crying.yet i dont feel a single bit better.]
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