humm..
dar,i love you!=]
now we have same blogskin wor.xP
i miss you alot too..
really happy can see you tmr le.^^
im really happy to see your smiles too..
thats why i always want you to be happy.=]
weekends always seem REALLY long..
because you're not by my side..
but this week was better,
i got to see you on saturday..^^
and yeah,you are the only guy i love too wor..
hehe i hope we'll always be happy together.=]
I LOVE YOU MY DARDAR~❤
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Friday, August 14, 2009
HAPPY BIRTHDAY WENJIAN dardar~ILY.♥
HAPPY BIRTHDAY CLARENCE![4 AUGUST]
HAPPY BIRTHDAY AFIFAH HONEY![7 AUGUST]
HAPPY BIRTHDAY WEILUN ORANGE BALLOON![11 AUGUST]
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHEINI![11 AUGUST]
HAPPY BIRTHDAY PEARLYN![11 AUGUST]
HAPPY BIRTHDAY SHADRINA![13 AUGUST]
lol.super a lot of ppl b'day can?
lol but my dardar de most impt.xP
dar,hope you like the present i made and gave you..
and,sorry for making you upset in the afternoon..
didnt mean to make you angry and upset on your b'day de..
just try to rmb the happy things kay?
hmm.happy that can meet you at tuition there just now..
hahas.really missing you alot.
I LOVE YOU.♥
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Tuesday, August 11, 2009
im lucky today..
managed to NOT CRY in front of anyone..
seems like im still able to hold back my tears and emotions.
but whenever anyone reminds me of what happened,
i really feel like crying..
almost cried in front of hazel uh..
that stupid girl cried before me..hahas.xP
hais..i just really want to stop crying..
but i cant.
i myself cant even tell if im really happy in school..
as much as i was very "high" in sch today..
i dont even understand myself..
i just keep telling myself not to cry no matter what..
i managed to do it.
but as soon i got to be alone,
i broke down again..
why cant life be a bed of roses?
living in perfection and happiness every minute of life.
i myself made the decision to ask you to go home yourself and not wait for me.
and yet im feeling upset over that.
i know you cant send me home anymore.
i told you not to.
but im stupidly getting upset over what i told you to do.
its the only way to solve the problems at hand,
but its really heart-shattering.
living silently in agony.
not easy,
not easy at all.
im too used to always having you there anytime,
now everything changes,
im totally not getting used to it at all.
i know i have to learn how to accept it.
i know it,yet im not doing it.
or rather,im UNABLE to do it.
im only holding on for only one reason.
and that reason is that i love you.
i guess that reason alone is enough to let me hold on,
pull myself together and hang on throughout.
[i want to cry.im crying.yet i dont feel a single bit better.]
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Monday, August 10, 2009
this is totally not going well..
just came back from tamp & T1..
feel like crap now..
totally didnt enjoy myself..
walking around in fear.
fear of meeting THEM.
man,i'm going crazy.
like,literally mad.
i dont know how im supposed to be feeling now.
happy?[that we didnt break up]
or am i allowed to be upset and unhappy?
i really dont know how to face you in school tomorrow..
or rather,
i dont dare to.
im afraid i will just break down once i see you.
i admit now.
im no longer strong enough.
i've lost all my courage.
the courage to fake a smile and be happy in front of you.
i cant,as much as i want to,and wish to be able to.
i hope i wont cry in front of you..
i dont wish you to see my tears..
im afraid i MAY have to avoid you..
it will hurt a lot.
and i mean a lot.
im really at a lost.
i cant concentrate on anything.
i know you're hurting too.
but you can never imagine how much pain it is for me.
its worse.much worse.
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my heart's shattered.
seriously.
just when i thought that it was starting to heal.
it broke again.
it was already full of wounds,stitches.
now all the wounds have been reopened.
and now there are new wounds.
its aching.
bleeding.
bleeding profusely.
i really thought i would have made that decision that would break us both.
but in the end,
i decided to hold on.
its going to be a really tough relationship from now on.
but i dont want to regret.
hopefully we'll both be strong enough.
but things are really going to be very different now.
everything's already changed.
it was the biggest scare i've ever been through.
this time,
i REALLY thought our relationship would end.
i felt that there was no other way,
no other choice other than ending everything.
everything we once had.
although we've decided to stay together,
in my heart,
i still have a feeling something will happen soon.
and that thing,would REALLY bring everything to an end.
how many MORE blows can this relationship take?
or maybe,how many more blows can I take?
i really dont know.
everything is all unstable now.
my mind is in a whirl,
i cant get my mind off you,
off what happened yesterday.
the thought of it stabs right into my heart.
stabbing again,again and again.
my heart is bleeding and is hurting.
this time,
i truly think that the wounds are never going to heal,
and the bleeding would just go on.
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