to tell you the truth,i've been dating a guy.but somehow,everyday,i still think of you every night,before i sleep.i hug bearbears to sleep,kiss them,and sleep beside your jacket.i've been fighting with myself.every night.i miss you so much,yet i tell myself its just me not used to not talking to someone i've been close to for two years.but i've come to realise that i should stop suppressing the fact that i still have feelings for you.even after all that we've put one another through.all the hurt,unhappiness.but most importantly,the love,joy,memories we created when we were in love.i've been asking myself,given a chance to love you again,will i?and i think you should know what's my answer.but when i realise the obstacles between us,it hurts me so badly.why can't we be together without any rejections and dis-acceptance?:'( i really miss you.when you stopped texting me,i was so sure your feelings for me faded.i missed you so badly.i texted you,and you didn't reply.i cried and cried.i dont know why.i cant cry over other guys.but that night,when we talked on the phone,when i realised how much i longed to hear your voice,your hug,being in your arms again,kissed by you,my tears and emotions overwhelmed me.i couldn't control it.these emotions were not able to be with-held back.somehow,a really big part of my heart is still with you.and that's a definite.and remember,when i used to tell you how i always think about our future together?when this guy talked to me about him seeing his future with me,no image came to me.i couldn't picture a future with him.but then,when i thought about my future,guess what i saw?images i used to have when i thought about OUR future together,having a house of our own,a family made from two of us.me and you.i still care for you so deeply.just now,jinxian went to my church after i had already left.he talked to the guy i'm "dating" cos they used to be friends.and the guy told jinxian how much he didn't like you and detested you.when i heard it,i flew into a rage and got so angry!at first,i couldn't explain to myself why i got so angry and upset when he said such things about you.then i realised,that just like last time,i still hated it when people said mean things about you,and i still care for you just as much right now..ytd,when i was using my lifeframe,i stumbled upon the photos we took together in my school a few months back.when i saw them,immediately,i smiled.we were still such a happy couple..so i got tempted today,and i sent you all the photos.i just miss you.i miss how we loved each other without boundaries and limits.how we were willing to sacrifice anything and everything to be together,in love,hold our hands and walk down the path together.i miss you hugging me to sleep,lying on you in the bus rides home.the moments when we couldn't bear to say bye bye for the night when you sent me home.swimming with you..your warm hugs,when our lips met.when i felt your lips on my cheeks and forehead,when we used to smell each other,play with one another's noses.watched cartoons we watched together over and over again.listen to music together.just went out and spent time wasting the day away together.chiong-ing for O's together.getting caught for sitting too close in class..feeding one another during recess..eating the same stingray every single recess without getting bored..i just realised how easily i typed these memories down..none of them have faded..all etched in my mind,in my heart.i haven't forgotten any memory i have of you.i wonder if its the same for you..?
while typing all those and uploading these photos,i was crying,my heart hurt.
did you feel the same way?have you still cry over me?i don't know..and only you will know..
i love you.